I once wondered how moms could have another baby and willingly relive the fourth trimester. Well, here I am. I’ve gone through it with a toddler this time. It did feel like reliving Max’s newborn days, but with more confidence, perspective, and chaos.

24–48 Hours After Birth

We spent one night in postpartum recovery. Compared to Max’s first night, it felt much less stressful. Emi actually slept too well—we had to wake her every 2–3 hours to feed.

With more experience, we felt confident reading her cues and knowing what to expect. I was recovering from a second-degree tear, so we mostly focused on resting. Everything went smoothly, and we were discharged the next morning after getting newborn photos taken.

First Night Home

We arrived home just as Max was waking from his afternoon nap. We asked if he was ready to meet his little sister, and his excitement was instant and incredibly sweet.

Then came the second-night cluster feeding. Emi wanted to nurse every 5–10 minutes. Every time I laid her down, she’d cue again shortly after. Running on very little sleep from labor and the hospital stay, I was completely exhausted.

To survive, we coslept. She’d nurse and fall asleep on my chest, and I’d pass out too. Max also had a few wake-ups that Chi handled—a preview of the period ahead.

Second Night Home (Third Night)

The next night, Emi was still constantly hungry. Wanting to avoid co-sleeping because of the SIDS risk, I kept trying the bassinet. From 9 p.m. to 2 a.m., she’d wake with hunger cues just minutes after every feed. Around 3 a.m., she finally started sleeping more deeply, giving me short 1–2 hour stretches.

I hand-expressed and saw that my milk had finally come in. I felt such a wave of relief. She seemed more satisfied, and I’m sure that helped her sleep longer. Max was fascinated by her and was adjusting to being a big brother.

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Feeding

We started exclusively nursing, and I was so happy about it. She latched well and my colostrum transitioned quickly to milk. After exclusively pumping with Max, nursing felt so much easier. I wasn’t tied to a pumping schedule, didn’t have pump parts to wash, and could simply hold and cuddle her until the next feed. I felt happy and relieved—even if it meant handling all the night feeds.

Then Emi was diagnosed with jaundice and wasn’t gaining weight quickly enough. She still wasn’t back to her birth weight about a week after birth. Suddenly, I questioned everything. Was it her suction? My supply? Was I not feeding her enough? You can’t help but blame yourself, even when you’re doing everything you can.

Successful breastfeeding feels like the stars have to align: good latch, strong suction, no tongue or lip ties, the right milk supply, and apparently even the “right” nipple shape. And on top of that, it takes an enormous mental and emotional toll.

My confidence was humbled, and with hormones in full force, it felt like failure. It was so different from the joy and ease I remembered from nursing Max. We were told to triple feed—nurse, pump, and bottle-feed. We had tried this with Max, and it eventually became exclusively pumping, something I really didn’t want to repeat. Emi would nurse for five minutes and fall asleep. I remember thinking, Maybe she’ll be a naturally good sleeper? Spoiler: nope.

Her bigger issue was poor milk transfer. Her suck was weak. We released her tongue tie, saw lactation consultants, and did OT to strengthen her suction. But eventually, she developed a strong bottle preference. Like Max, she stopped latching and got angry at the breast.

I was disappointed that I wouldn’t get to nurse her and that we were following the same path as Max: exclusively pumping and bottles. I made it past my original goal of six months of exclusively feeding her breast milk, thanks largely to our parents helping give me time to pump.

I kept pushing towards 9 months before starting to wean.

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Sleep

Our newborn nights were done in shifts, though I still pumped every three hours.

• 11pm: Chi feeds and changes her; I pump.
• 1:30am: Chi feeds and changes her; I pump.
• 4:30am: I feed, change, and pump.
• 7am: Mom feeds and changes her; I pump.

Two days before she turned two months, Emi naturally dropped the 1am feed and started giving us a 4.5-hour stretch. But then came the fussy phase. Unlike Max, Emi didn’t naturally fall back asleep as easily after night feeds. We had weeks of false starts, early wakes, split nights, and 100% contact naps. I had planned to go with the flow this time, but eventually I had to be much more intentional with sleep training.

Right before six months, things finally clicked. Her stretches improved, she woke less, and she briefly dropped to one feed. And for a few weeks, Emi became an amazing independent sleeper, falling asleep within five minutes with little to no crying. Eventually, naps improved too, and by seven months she was down to two naps, both over an hour instead of the infamous 30-minute naps I had to rescue with contact sleep. I was thrilled to get those 2–3 hours back, though bittersweet to leave the cuddly contact naps behind.

Then came another regression around 7–8 months. She got sick, then learned to stand without knowing how to get down, so she suddenly needed lots of help to sleep. Wakes increased to every 1–2 hours, she needed 2+ feeds, and split nights lasted 1–2 hours. Exhausted, I resorted to co-sleeping. It felt like the newborn days all over again. But somehow there was one magical night on September 10 when she slept a solid 9.5 hours without a single wake… only to go right back to waking every 1–2 hours the next night. WHY?

At nine months, I was still pumping once in the middle of the night. I cannot wait to sleep six-plus hours uninterrupted again.

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The Baby Stage With a Toddler

While it’s been wonderful bonding with Emi, I’ve really missed spending time with Max. After that first newborn week, I swear he had already grown so much. His language suddenly took off, and I felt like I was missing it.

It was hard to be part of his bedtime routine when I was putting Emi down, and I often had to stay with Emi for naps while Max went out with Daddy. Because they were on different schedules, we had to be intentional about finding one-on-one time with each of them.

Max has been adjusting to having a little sister, and there have been moments when he’s needed extra cuddles and reassurance from me. He even told me, “I miss you” and “I want to cuddle and sleep in your bed.” Those moments broke my heart.

I knew this season would pass, but I didn’t want to miss Max while he was growing so quickly, either. There’s definitely some mom guilt knowing that I can’t give him 100% of my time and energy anymore—it’s now shared with Emi.

Looking Back

This time around feels like a redo of Max’s newborn days, but with more confidence and perspective.

The fourth trimester was still exhausting—sleep deprivation, endless feeding, and wondering when things would feel normal again. But surprisingly, those first three months felt easier the second time around, even with a toddler at home. Experience made a huge difference.

Around 2-4 months, it started wearing me down. Emi became more alert, naps got harder, and contact naps became the norm. I expected things to get easier and sleep to improve, so when they didn’t, it was discouraging. At 6-8 months, I’m still waiting for more uninterrupted sleep. It’s hard not to compare her to Max, especially since I remember him having longer stretches and a period without night feeds.

Thank goodness our moms took turns helping again. Their support during those first six months gave us room to breathe, some spare time, and more opportunities for Max to bond with his grandparents.

We also traveled three times in the first half of the year—to Great Wolf Lodge, Vancouver, and Mexico. Traveling with a baby and young toddler is no easy feat, but having grandparents along gave us enough support to actually enjoy the trips.

Around six months, things finally started feeling easier. By then, the grandparents had left and we were on our own again. Chi could handle Max in the mornings and take him to preschool while I focused on Emi. We still had meal planning, a constantly messy house, and basically no personal time—but we were managing.

And now, somehow, I’m almost three-quarters of a year in. Time is moving so quickly. I finally understand those parents who say the baby-and-toddler years went by in a blur.

It’s a chaotic, exhausting, incredibly busy season, but there are moments when I look at both of them and feel completely overwhelmed with happiness and gratitude. I’m so lucky I get to be their mom.